For a good time call 734-542-5545

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For a good time call 734-542-5545

Post  kdsljfls on Wed Mar 02, 2011 9:33 am

October 25, 2004
I got a little blast from the past a few days ago. I found myself engaged in an old pastime: reading a rather (ahem) spirited exchange between the child-laden and the childfree. Of course, this time I was watching it all go down from an entirely different side of the fence.

I like to think that I have a unique perspective on both parenthood and childfreedom, given that at various times in my life I have been both – and as you should know by now, I don’t do anything half-assed. When I was childfree, I was ardently childfree. Now that I am a parent, I can tell you with a straight face that I am a *damned* good mother, at least so far. (Quit laughing, Heather.)

But would it surprise you to know that my sympathies in the aforementioned exchanges still reside with the childfree? They are generally maligned and oft-misunderstood folk, and they remain some of the most interesting, erudite, laugh-your-ass-off funny people I have ever had the pleasure to come to know. If you haven’t spent a significant portion of your life believing that you never wanted children, then trust me when I say that you have no idea what these people go through. I remember vividly one day in the first year we lived in this house. We’d just discovered that our home was experiencing its seasonal invasion of carpenter ants, and an extermination service was called tout de suite, because those fuckers were big and I shit you not when I tell you that some of them FLY.

So extermination guy comes to our house and begins the conversation that we always hear when someone first visits our domicile:

Extermination Guy: “Wow! This is a really cool house!”

Me: “Thanks. It’s unusual, but we love it.”

EG: “Well, I can see why. It’s a pretty big house, too. It’ll be great for when you have kids!” (Right about here is where EG actually winks at me.)

Me: “I suppose it would be. But we don’t plan to have kids.”

EG: “You’re not having kids?”

Me: “I hadn’t planned on it.”

EG: “You don’t want kids?”

Me (smiling incredulously at this incredibly personal line of interrogation from a complete stranger): “Not particularly.”

Now picture Extermination Guy physically recoiling from me, because that’s exactly what he did. As though he would turn the corner into the next room and see children’s heads mounted on the fucking wall like hunting trophies from the Bizarro World. He literally cut his visit short and left in a huff, and I was left with my jaw hanging open for the next four hours.

Mind you, this was only one of hundreds of slights I personally have experienced in the handful of years I felt that I did not want to be anyone’s mother. It’s not the same thing if you think you will (or even might) have children someday and you endure the requisite nagging from family over when you are finally going to produce offspring. It’s an entirely different league of response when people know that you don’t want children. So keep in mind that the childfree put up with shit each and every day that would make your hair fall out, en masse.

And let’s be honest – the sun shines on us breeders, whether we want to admit it or not. Grouse all you like about how our society does not accommodate children and how hard it is to be a parent, and I’m still going to tell you that I’m playing the world’s smallest violin for you, because I know the flip side of that coin. Every time someone smiled at me when I was pregnant out to THERE, I remembered the withering looks I received as a childfree person. I still think of that when someone smiles at my children, and people smile at my children every damned time I walk out of the house with them. We get tax breaks subsidized by the childfree. We get government-sanctioned leave from our jobs and our childfree co-workers pick up the slack. If they dare to point any of this out, they are generally met with outright hostility rather than a heartfelt thank you.

And many of us are doing a shitty job of raising our spawn. They run amok in public places, dash in front of little old ladies without any regard for personal space (much less respect for their elders), leave things wherever they like rather than put them back where they found them and toss their litter out the windows of their cute-utes as they cut you off in traffic when they’re finally old enough to drive. Every time I encounter a child of any age displaying genuinely good manners, I am so astonished that I wind up exclaiming over them like a flustered southern belle. A ten year old boy held the door for me a few weeks ago, and I thanked him so profusely and with such a maniacal grin that he probably feared I was going to kiss him. Is it any wonder that childfree people feel both disgusted and angry that we’re turning loose a generation of ill-mannered, menacing idiots while they’re the ones who get hosed down with emotional bile day in and day out?

And I love the way most parents bury their head in the sand with regard to their children. You can’t fool me, parents: I am now one of you, and I’ve heard your secrets. You want so desperately to believe that your children are good that you ignore what’s going on right under your nose. You excuse abominable behavior because you’d rather not play the heavy. I admit that when I first began to employ discipline and consequences for my child, it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. But time went on, and I saw results, and administering some swift justice for bad behavior became downright enjoyable. I find that this is the biggest difference between myself and my mommy friends. For whatever reason, many moms today are loath to kick ass and take names. Or if they do, they turn into such Shouty McYellersons that their kids just learn to tune them out. I don't pretend that I won't face enormous challenges in raising my kids to be civilized human beings, but dammit, when they come, I am going to get to the bottom of them.

Of course, in any group you’ll find people who’ve gone off their meds, and the childfree are no exception. But before you paint that room with a broad brush, consider the wackadoos in your own jurisdiction. Parenthood is rife with headcases and losers, and I’d argue well into next week that we have them in far greater percentages than the childfree. (Matthew 7:4 “Why do you notice the splinter in your brother’s eye, but do not perceive the wooden beam in your own eye?”) Straighten up, parents. Teach your kids to crack a book, and while you’re at it, teach them some decent manners. And if you have to leave work early to catch your kid’s soccer game, thank the childfree person at the next desk, why don’t you?


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Re: For a good time call 734-542-5545

Post  kjdsalkf on Wed Mar 02, 2011 9:34 am


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Post  kalshjfd on Wed Mar 02, 2011 9:35 am


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Re: For a good time call 734-542-5545

Post  Condom Bob on Sun Mar 13, 2011 8:50 pm

Thanks for this post. It's about time the childfree got some respect.
Condom Bob

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